The Oily 9 Commandments

1) I'm the All-mighty Oily FatOne.

2) Thou shalt not anger me with things/words I do not want to hear. Speak only what I want to hear, sweeten me with sugar and I shall be your friend.

3) Thou shalt not question my actions as it is my personal life, but I shall have all rights to demand of you to submit a daily routine log of your whereabouts, actions and thoughts. Even if you were in bed with your SO, I demand to know.

4) Thou shalt be in guilt of treason if you refuse to help me do what I ask of, but after a period of time, assist others in the same task.

5) Thee shall agree to trust me in whatever I do, and not question me, I will however, doubt thee if necessary.

6) Thy appearance at coffee meet ups with my purchase of drinks, is nothing more than an investment.

7) Tests shalt be upon your shoulders, for me to judge you to be deem worthy as my friends, the tests shall vary and regardless the end result, I will use my 1001 reasons to disqualify you.

8) My words are the gospel truth, I live by my farked up principles.

9) You all are deemed no ROI when you all don't buy things from me.